At night, when things are quiet and I can focus on Collin, I am overwhelmed by it all. It makes me think about how much love God has for me. If I can love a little person I've never met as much as I do, I really can't begin to imagine God's love for me; even when I don't deserve it.
It's been hard these past few weeks. I've really had to force myself to stop and rest. I can't seem to do everything I'm used to doing. That's really hard for me; especially when I have Tyler too. I get so worn out by daily tasks that I have a hard time saving enough energy for him. It breaks my heart when he wants me to play cars with him and I truly can't. I want nothing more than to play with him the way I used to. I feel like I'm cheating him.
I know the million different feelings I'm having are normal, but that doesn't make them any less intense. I'm starting to struggle with the thought of Tyler having to share me. He won't be the only one. I'll have to tell him that I can't do something because I'm busy with his brother. I feel guilty thinking that because I feel like I'm cheating Collin out of my love and attention. He deserves me just as much as Tyler does. I find I put so much pressure on myself to be the best mom. I often let myself down because of it. I am ashamed to even have these thoughts and feelings, much less share them with the world......
Tyler wanted to put stickers on Collin the one day.
1 comment:
You are totally normal for feeling that way! But it will all work out. Tyler is going to love his baby brother and although there will be times when he doesn't want to share you, they will be replaced in your heart and mind with those times where is wants to help with Collin and love on him. He's at the perfect age and I'm sure is going to be a great helper and big brother!
Post a Comment